"Tears of A Clown (The Entertainer)"

My mind is so strong--
But it over thinks too much.
Over random things,
And little things and such.

I need to get active,
I need to get out of bed.
I need to get away from these thoughts--
That are inside of my head.

But I'm really sick,
And I'm really tired.
Life has a way
Of making us feel like a liar.

People call me sweet--
But I often think it's a lie.
It seems that I'm the kindest,
Whenever I start to cry.

Where is the logic--
In any of this?
When I over think so much,
It leaves me crazy like this.

See, one day I'm really smart--
With a lot of things to say.
And then the next day I feel empty,
And lonely in a way.

Most days I feel crazy--
Like I'm out of my mind.
Like why is it so hard
To find some peace of mind?

Complicated, complex
And totally confused...
How can I ever love someone--
Without making them feel used?

See, I know how you love--
Flaws and all.
But I'm not one to bring anyone down
When I'm starting to fall.

I'm a handful--
For even myself.
I would protect everyone--
From even myself.

See, I really love him
And I know he loves me.
But how can I truly trust someone
When I can't even trust me?

And I'm all for making people happy--
That's the choice that I've made.
But it's one massive price
That has to be paid...

And friendships are the worst--
They make me feel like a flake.
Because as much as I give,
I'm not one who's willing to take.

But what do I really give?
Kind words and some advice?
But whenever they call me to see me--
I have to check my schedule twice!

And I get it--
I'm a butterfly who likes to fly away.
And only the strongest,
Can ground me enough to make me stay.

But I still feel like I'm never there--
When they need me most.
Makes me seem like one big party,
And I'm always playing the host...

Keep the conversations light--
Airy and witty.
And maybe one day,
I'll know the entire city!

And don't bother calling me--
I'll just show up really late.
Clearly, as you can tell,
I have more than enough on my plate.

Don't worry, I'll be fine--
Just give me a minute or two.
Now welcome to my life,
It's really nice to meet you.

Be careful, I'm cunning--
You should really stay away.
I'll say all the right things,
That will make you want to stay.

But then again,
I have a habit of pushing people away...
When really, in reality,
I just want them to stay...

But come along for the party--
I'll entertain you all day!
But when it's over and I'm alone,
Just leave me that way...

Trust me, I'll be fine--
Life is lonely that way.
And I'm the biggest clown,
Who's a phony by the way.

And if you're feeling sorry for me--
Then, I guess I've done it.
A huge pity party!
That's all I ever wanted!

Clearly, I'm lying.
That's not how I want it to be.
Because at the end of the day,
The only person that is hurting-- is me.

LaTasha B. (LB)
© 2015